Repairing Shattered Trust
by stephfarrow94
Summary: After the betrayal on Soul Society, Kira Izuru is left heartbroken and more depressed than ever. Can he find it in himself to trust the unofficial counsellor of Soul Society, Ukitake Jushiro, and let him in? Or is Izuru too damaged to know how to love again? UkiKira, KiraUki, hinted GinKira, yaoi
1. Chapter 1

**A/N This is a challenge fic bestowed on me by my close friend Flareose who has to put up with me babbling on and on about Ukitakes and Kiras quite a lot. I think she just wants to keep me occupied so I shut up every one in a while. I hope you all enjoy :)**

Kira Izuru had always been a depressed person, but ever since Soul Society was betrayed and his Captain and lover left with Aizen and Tosen, he knew that he couldn't cope. He was heartbroken, and the stress of trying to keep his Division running as second-in-command made everything worse. He wasn't sleeping, he wasn't eating, and he was on edge more than ever.

Currently, the blond Shinigami was sitting at what once was his Captain's desk, trying not to cry as he filled out paperwork. Just being in this room alone was enough to make him remember his traitorous commanding officer and what they had done together in this very chair.

"Why did you leave...?" Izuru whispered to himself. He threw the pen against the wall opposite him and buried his face in his arms, his shoulders heaving with the stress of trying not to cry. However, all the strength he had mustered was not enough to stop the rivers of tears from streaming down his face as he pulled his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. "...Why didn't you take me with you...?"

All thoughts of paperwork flew out of Izuru's mind as he thought about the man he had loved. The one man in all of Soul Society who brought comfort to him and made him feel as if he were truly loved. The one he had looked up to and admired for so many years ever since his academy days, and that same person who had taken him into his life and reassured him that it was okay to be who he was and to not care about what others said or thought.

Kira didn't feel the pain as he fell off the chair. He didn't feel the pain that came with hitting his head on the desk as he went down, or the blood that dribbled profusely down his face. No; the only thing he could feel was the void in his heart that was slowly but surely killing him.

It was an unspoken rule these days for the Third Division to not enter any room where Izuru's loud cries and screams of despair echoed from, so the blond was left alone with no one to talk to – no one to support him.

The lieutenant cried and shouted for what felt like forever before he had finally fallen victim to the oblivion that came with such straining emotions. He was curled up by the desk, his face red and stained with blood and tears. His eyebrows were scrunched together in clear distress and his teeth ground together with such force, it could be heard from several feet away.

The dreams came as they did every night, forcing Izuru to remember just how much love and trust he had placed into the man who had betrayed _everyone_. He would awake in the morning and go through the same tedious routine that he did every other day. He would pretend that everything was fine, try his hardest to do his work and not focus on the defector he honestly missed with all of his being, then at night he would curl up and let his pain out. To the few people who would bother to ask, he would smile half-heartedly at them and say that he was fine, all the while trying not to let the tears well up.

Kira Izuru knew that not many people cared about him, didn't trust him for having been so close to one that had caused such chaos in the Seiteitei, believed that he probably had his own part in it himself and would turn out to be just like the three that had deserted.

Because of this, people turned a blind eye to his suffering, convinced that it was all an act to get everyone to lower their guards in order for him to strike.

But only the few people that still remained by his side could see the suffering in his baby blue eyes that grew more obvious by the day.

Kira Izuru couldn't go on like this any longer. He needed help. Out of all his friends, Matsumoto was the only one who understood but, as she had been best friends with the one he loved, he didn't like to talk about it with her.

No; Izuru needed to find someone who he could trust; could talk to without being judged; could feel comfortable enough to divulge his hidden agony to. But there was only one person in the whole of the Seireitei who could be trusted with the darkest of secrets; Ukitake Jūshirō.

It would be hard, but Izuru would need to bring himself to believe that there _were _others out there who he could have faith in; who wouldn't hurt him. His trust in people had been shattered just as easily as his heart had been broken but, Izuru knew he couldn't go on like this.


	2. Chapter 2

When Izuru left the office the next morning, it wasn't surprising when his own squad members avoided him like the plague. If they saw him coming they quickly changed directions or if the blond lieutenant tried to stop them to talk to them, they'd make up excuses and leave as soon as they could. It had been this way ever since the betrayal on Soul Society, and Izuru just didn't understand why some had even gone as far as to transfer out of the Third Division.

The morning started out the same way as usual; Izuru skipping breakfast and doing paperwork, but once he had made a considerable dent in the stack of papers on the desk, he knew he needed to go and find Captain Ukitake.

With a stretch that made his already-aching body hurt more, Izuru got to his feet and made his way out of the Third Division barracks and made the considerably long journey to the Thirteenth. He was greeted at Ukitake's office by the man's two amicable, if not competitive, third seats.

"Is Ukitake-taicho in...?" Izuru's soft voice held a tremor of anxiety as he studied the two before him carefully. Their eyebrows were raised and there was a protective glint in their eyes, as if _daring _him to try and bring harm to their beloved Captain.

"..." Kotetsu Kiyone and Kotsubaki Sentaro shared a look before they nodded, albeit warily.

"He's doing paperwork at the moment, but I can bring you to him," Kiyone offered.

"No," Sentaro cut in, pushing Kiyone out of the way. "_I _will bring you to him!"

"I offered first!" Kiyone growled as she shoved Sentaro to the ground. "The Captain would want _me _to do it!"

"It's _me _he'd rather!" Sentaro shouted.

Izuru stepped back, his visible eye wide. He had heard stories about the two third seats notorious for arguing over every little thing, no matter how minor. How could Ukitake put up with this day in, day out...?

"What's going on here?"

Izuru, and the two third seats who were now oddly silent, looked at the rice paper door that _used _be to closed, only to find Ukitake Jūshirō standing there with a puzzled look on his face.

"Sentaro was preventing me from escorting your visitor to you, sir!" Kiyone cried, pointing an accusing finger at the black haired man.

"No!" Sentaro pointed back, a horrified expression on his face. "It was _her _who didn't let me escort him in, sir!"

Jūshirō observed his two squad members with a soft look before he nodded. "Where is my guest?"

Kiyone and Sentaro stood before they bowed deeply, pointing to their left where Izuru stood, a frightened expression on his face.

Jūshirō studied the blond carefully for a few seconds before he smiled. "Kira-fukutaicho. Please, come in."

Izuru nodded and followed the Captain into the office. The rice paper door slid closed behind him, and he stood there, looking down at his feet. What was he supposed to say...? Would Ukitake even _want _to see him...? It wasn't like they were particularly close, having only spoken a few times on business, and Kira was... the lieutenant and lover of a traitor...

"How have you been, Kira-fukutaicho?" Jūshirō asked as he made his way back to his chair, his gentle smile never wavering. "I can't imagine it would be easy on you after everything that has happened. Are you doing okay?"

Izuru fidgeted, unable to answer those questions directly. "...U-ukitake-taicho... I..."

Jūshirō was patient, knowing that there was no need to rush the clearly distressed boy. He picked up his cup of tea and sipped at it slowly.

"Could I get you some tea, Kira-fukutaicho?" Ukitake offered. "I find it helps me when I feel sick or distressed."

"U-uh, Ukitake-taicho..." Kira was startled by Jūshirō's generosity; there were few Captains who would offer you beverages; especially if it weren't clear why you were standing in their office, looking as if you were about to cry.

"Please, have a seat." Jūshirō smiled as he gestured at the chair sitting in front of his desk. "I will prepare some tea for you. You aren't here on business, are you, Kira-fukutaicho?"

Izuru shook his head, not knowing how else to reply.

"I'm glad you came to me," Ukitake called over his shoulder as he headed through the door leading into the private rooms that every Captain's office had for when they were working late or couldn't return to their own home. "I will be right back."

Izuru sat still, glancing around at the office. The desk was in the middle of the room, much like the one in his own Division, and the walls were lined with scroll arts, bookshelves lined with books, and a small couch. Small photo stands lined the desk along with the many stacks of paperwork and the cup of tea Ukitake had just been holding. A book was laid on the side of the desk, and a letter in an envelope addressed to Rukia lay on top of it. Already, this office was much more homely than his.

Jūshirō returned just a few minutes later with a cup in hand. He smiled as he handed it to his guest and took his seat back behind his desk.

"What would you like to talk about, Kira-kun?" Ukitake asked.

Izuru's eyes widened at the honorific. "W-what did you just call me...?"

"Kira-kun." Jūshirō's happy expression only became brighter. "We are not speaking as Captain and lieutenant right now; we are speaking as friends."

"O-oh..."

"Is it something about the recent betrayal, Kira-kun?" Jūshirō was gentle as he spoke, his kind smile ever present.

"...Ukitake-taicho..." Kira whispered, but Jūshirō raised a hand, signalling him to stop speaking.

"You may call me Jūshirō," the frail Captain said softly. "I am your friend right now; not your superior."

"J-jushiro..." Tears welled up in Izuru's eyes; everything this man did reminded the blond of his lover. He wasn't used to such kindness from anyone except for the one who had just broken his heart. "I-I feel... so lost..."

"Ichimaru-taicho meant a lot to you, didn't he?" Jūshirō was sympathetic, understanding what the lieutenant was going through. "I've heard stories about the two of you, and Ichimaru-taicho spoke very fondly of you himself."

"So why did he leave me...?" Izuru whispered as tears cascaded down his cheeks. "...W-why...? Wasn't I g-good enough for him or something...?"

Jūshirō stood up and moved to Izuru. He moved quickly, knowing that the blond would move away otherwise, and embraced the young Shinigami. "Don't ever say or think that about yourself, Kira-kun. You are a beautiful, kind-hearted and smart young man. If anything, Ichimaru-taicho wasn't good enough for _you. _Please, don't put yourself down, okay?"

"I-I don't understand..." Izuru whispered, hesitantly grabbing the white haori that represented a Captain. "Was everything we shared together... just a _lie...?"_

"I do not know the answers to your questions, Kira-kun..." Jūshirō soothed as he ran a hand through the blond hair. "I can certainly tell you that whatever it was that you both shared in the past... it wasn't a lie. I know love when I see it, Kira-kun, and he truly loved you. But you need to understand that Ichimaru-taicho is gone, and you need to move on. He wouldn't want to see you like this, would he?"

"N-no..." Izuru wiped at his eyes. "G-gin would... He used to tell me it was okay that I cried, Ukitake-taicho..."

Jūshirō ignored the title he was called and instead focused on comforting the boy in his arms. "It truly is, Kira-kun. Everyone needs to cry every now and then, and you're only young. Please, do not feel bad for being in touch with your emotions; it is a good thing to be able to do."

"..." Izuru rested his head against Jūshirō's shoulder, trying to draw in the comforting aura that radiated from the Captain. "...Is it bad that I'm afraid to be open with you, and tell you everything...?"

"Not at all," Ukitake whispered tenderly. "You had your trust in people shaken; I expected this. But can I tell you something, Kira-kun? As your friend, I feel as if it is something you should know."

Izuru lifted his head, almost afraid to hear what Jūshirō was going to say.

"I want to tell you that somewhere out there," Jūshirō started, playing with Izuru's hair again, "there is a person who loves you very much. They understand that you feel as if you are in a lot of pain, but they're waiting for you to move on. They're waiting; just for you to acknowledge their love."

Izuru found it hard to believe Jūshirō's words but this was a man who never lied; it went against his moral code. He licked his lips before he whispered back. "...Do... Do you know who they are, Ukitake-taicho?"

Jūshirō nodded, smiling softly. "I do. But I cannot disclose names to you while you are feeling so fragile. I understand that you don't want to talk about everything just yet, but please understand that I am here for you always. I will listen to you, and I will care. Take your time and tell me what you can once you're ready, okay?"

Izuru nodded. He pulled himself out of Jūshirō's arms and stood up, wiping at his tears. He then placed his untouched cup of tea on the desk and looked away. "T-thank you for letting me come to you... I-I know I didn't say much, but I just wanted to know that you would listen before I talked..."

"I know." Jūshirō put his hand on Izuru's shoulder, smiling gently. "I'm always here. And please, think about what I said, okay? I know they'd appreciate it if you thought about what you wanted to do about them."

Izuru nodded. "I-I will, but I doubt I'll really accept them... Gin is the only one for me..."

Izuru didn't see the tiny flicker of pain in Jūshirō's green orbs, but the man's smile never wavered. He bowed respectfully and thanked the old Captain again before he left, leaving Jūshirō alone in his office.

Jūshirō moved to the couch and sat down, mulling over Izuru's words. He knew not to expect anything just yet from Kira after having been betrayed so savagely, but it still hurt to be told that Izuru may never accept him.

"I just hope he can move on and at least want to try and be with _someone..." _Jūshirō muttered to himself as he stood back and moved to his desk. "I've loved that boy, ever since I first saw him..."


	3. Chapter 3

Izuru didn't know what kept pulling him back to Ukitake, but he had seen the Captain several times, sometimes for a talk and other times just for a cup of tea. He never said much about what he truly wanted to talk about, but Jūshirō was patient and understood.

The two were currently having tea together, just sitting in the quiet of Ukitake's office while the Captain filled out paperwork. Izuru sat on the couch, deep in thought. It didn't bother either of them that their time was mostly spent in silence; the other's presence was enough for them both.

"Kira-kun?" Jūshirō called out of the blue as he put his pen down and looked over at the couch. Izuru looked back at him, meeting his gaze. "Kira-kun, did you think about what I told you?"

Kira nodded. "Yes... But I'm not sure if I'm ready for another relationship so soon..."

Jūshirō smiled. "I take your answer as a 'maybe'."

"...Maybe..." Izuru whispered. He stood up and bowed as he always did before he moved to the rice paper doors. "I should leave. Thank you for your time, Ukitake-taicho."

Jūshirō nodded. "Come back anytime, Kira-kun. You are most welcome here."

"Thank you..." With that, Izuru was gone, leaving the frail Captain to drown in his overwhelming loneliness.

The pale-haired Shinigami forgot all about his unfinished paperwork and moved to the bed he kept in one of the rooms in the living quarters. He closed the door behind him and sat down, putting his face in his hands. He hated the loneliness that consumed him worse than his illness did. It had never been a problem until his lieutenant had died all those years ago.

Lying down on his back, Ukitake lifted his hips so that he could slide his hakama down and expose himself. He took his flaccid member into his hold and stroked lightly, trying to get himself into the mood but, just like most times, he was just too lonely to be able to even masturbate properly.

**-XX-**

The next time Izuru had seen Jūshirō was when the blond had stumbled onto the Thirteenth Division barracks in a drunken haze. He had been out drinking with Hisagi and Matsumoto where Kyōraku-taicho had joined them until Kira decided he had had enough and wanted something unknown to him at that current point in time.

That want was probably what had driven the male back to the ill Captain's Division. He wandered around for a while until he arrived at what he recognised as Ukitake's office. Without bothering to knock, the Third Squad lieutenant slid the rice paper doors open and stepped in.

"Ukitake-taicho?" Izuru called in a drunken slur. He stumbled further into the room, looking around for the white-haired man. He knew that Jūshirō was here; the room was lit in a dim manner and the door leading to the private rooms was ajar. The blond staggered into an area he knew was strictly off-limits, but his alcohol-fuelled mind didn't care. "Ukitake-taicho!"

Kira pushed open the first door on the left and peeked in, finding the ill captain on a futon, moaning softly as he stroked his engorged member. The older Shinigami didn't seem to notice Izuru and continued his actions, making delicious noises that went straight to Izuru's groin.

Silently, the Lieutenant padded over to the Captain's side and reached out, putting his hand on his elder's side. The Captain, whose back had been facing Izuru, jumped and spun around to face his toucher. His eyes were wide and his cheeks scarlet at having been caught in such a situation, but Izuru was too drunk to notice the way the man's eyes filled with lust and his blush darkened at the sight of him.

The blond didn't say a word as he moved to kneel in between Jūshirō's legs and grabbed the erection. He ignored the half-hearted pleas for him to stop and leant down, bringing his mouth around the other man's penis.

Jūshirō's eyes lidded as he reached out, grabbing the blond hair in order to reluctantly put an end to the younger's actions. He groaned, wanting nothing more than to continue this but he knew that Izuru was drunk and couldn't allow this to happen.

"Kira-kun..." Ukitake moaned before he bit his lip, feeling immeasurably guilty for enjoying this so much. "...Kira-kun, please... S-stop this..."

Blue eyes rose to meet green ones, and all Ukitake could see in the smaller male's eyes was pain mixed in with loneliness. If he didn't know any better, he'd say that Izuru wasn't even drunk with how prominent those two emotions were.

Izuru lifted himself off the older male's shaft and spoke with a voice twisted in longing. "Ichimaru-taicho..."

Jūshirō closed his eyes, understanding that this was only happening because Kira was searching desperately for a way to stop the aching in his heart, but it didn't stop himself from hurting. He sighed and removed his hand, knowing that at least one of them should be happy and allowed Izuru to return to what he had been doing seconds ago.

The Lieutenant's head bobbed up and down his superior's aching need, taking in all of it and burying his nose repeatedly in the black pubic hair redolent of how Jūshirō's hair had once been before the attack.

Jūshirō bucked his hips slightly, overwhelmed by sensations he had not felt in years, but still conscious of the fact that he didn't know how skilled Izuru was in this field and could hurt him. Little whimpers and gasps escaped his lips as he raised a hand to bite down on the flesh, trying to stifle his loud cry of completion.

Izuru knew that Ukitake was climaxing. He buried his nose in the pubic hair once again, swallowing hard at the copious amount of seed he had been granted. He looked up at Jūshirō, his eyes displaying his pain once again.

Ukitake couldn't help but open his arms, inviting the smaller male into them. He held Izuru tight when the blond accepted and buried his face in the younger's hair. He could feel the erection poking at him, but he was unsure of if he should touch it or not, not wanting to take advantage of a soul suffering like this more than he already had by allowing the previous intimacy.

"Ichimaru-taicho..." Izuru whispered as he snuggled in close, resting his head against the steady heartbeat of the pale man. "Ichimaru-taicho... I love you..."

Jūshirō's heart ached at these words but only held the smaller man tighter. He didn't know if Izuru was mistaking him for Ichimaru Gin or not in a drunken haze but, either way, this needed to stop.

"Kira-kun?" Jūshirō said in a soft tone. He laid down, pulling the younger against him. "Kira-kun, it's time for sleep."

Izuru nodded and snuggled in close, resting his head against the frail chest so that the heartbeat didn't escape him. He closed his eyes and, for the first time since the betrayal on Soul Society, he slept peacefully, despite being painfully aroused.

Ukitake lay awake, running his head through the blond hair as he watched the sleeping Lieutenant. Thoughts ran through his mind repeatedly about the boy in his arms, and he couldn't bring himself to fall asleep. He wondered if Kira was even aware of what he had just done – and if he was, with _whom _he had done it with – or if he were just playing out a fantasy with the first available person due to the alcohol he had consumed.

Part of the frail Captain wanted so badly to believe that Kira had chosen him because he _felt _something for him, but the voice in the back of his head just wasn't cooperating, asking why someone as precious as Izuru would want someone like as weak and disgusting as Ukitake.

With a sigh, Jūshirō tried his hardest to banish such thoughts. Though they didn't go away completely, he was able to focus on the Shinigami in his arms for the rest of the night.

**-XX-**

The next morning, when Izuru's eyes opened, he tensed as he realised he was in someone's arms. His heart pounded against his chest, hoping with all his being that the betrayal had just been a bad dream and his Captain was still here with him, holding him; but alas, the blond's heart shattered once again to find that he was being held by the gentlest Captain in the Gotei Thirteen.

Jūshirō appeared to be sleeping peacefully, so Kira disentangled himself from the Thirteenth Captain's arms carefully, not wanting to wake him. When at last he was standing, he made his way out of the barracks and back towards his own with tears running down his face. How could he have been so _stupid...? _How could he... cheat on Ichimaru-taicho...? Ichimaru-taicho was going to come back one day, Izuru knew it. Ichimaru-taicho would never leave him behind. One day they'll be together again.

As Kira locked himself in his own office, he curled up underneath the desk and cried, wishing with all his being that his beloved Captain had never left.

Back with Ukitake, his first thought upon waking up alone was that he had ruined the small bond they had managed to forge. With an anguished cry, the pale Shinigami stood up and grabbed his hair, trying to hold back the tears. There was only one person in the whole of the Seireitei who knew this, but Jūshirō was just as lonely as Izuru was, if not lonelier. The thought... that he had ruined what little they had... It hurt him more than anyone could realise.


	4. Chapter 4

**This would have been up previously, but our internet has been down. Also, bad news; school starts back tomorrow... Year Twelve. Last year. I promised someone important to me that no matter how much I hate school, I'll do my best just because they mean so much to me and asked me to make this year matter, so if my updates start to dwindle, I haven't forgotten; I've just been trying to make good of my promise.**

When Jūshirō was told he had a mission to the Living World in order to investigate suspicious Hollow Activity that may have been linked to Aizen, he wasn't very happy; not only did he not like being in the Living World due to his illness, it would take him away from Izuru, and he desperately needed to talk about what they had done the previous night.

_I hope he doesn't think I'm avoiding him... _Jūshirō thought to himself, remembering how he had woken up that morning alone. _I'd think he was avoiding me if he had to leave..._

"Are you listening, Jūshirō?" Yamamoto asked, noticing the way Jūshirō seemed to have become lost in thought.

Ukitake shook his head to clear his mind. "Apologies."

"As I was saying," Yamamoto said, patient as ever with one of the two Shinigami he had personally trained, "I want you to investigate the sudden rise of Hollows within in the World of the Living. Seeing as you do not have a fukutaicho any longer, I will allow you to choose whoever you want to take with you. Do to your illness, I will be sending Shunsui and Ise-fukutaicho along with you, just like any other mission that requires you to be away from medical attention."

Jūshirō nodded. "I see. May I bring Kira-fukutaicho along? I understand he's busy with filling in for the missing Captain, but he's the only one I want."

"Hmm. You would not settle for someone like Abarai-fukutaicho who is still under their taicho's orders?"

"No, sir. I believe Kira-fukutaicho is under much stress due to trying to act as both taicho and fukutaicho, and it may do him wonders to get away for it for a bit. I also believe his kido skills are among the best in the Gotei Thirteen and it may come in handy. On top of that, he's been in the Fourth Squad prior to the Third, so his medical knowledge will be good for me."

Yamamoto nodded. "Very well. I will inform Third Division's third-seat to cover everything until your return. Shunsui and Ise-fukutaicho are preparing themselves. Please get Kira-fukutaicho and get ready to leave as soon as possible. The disturbances are in Karakura Town where the Substitute Shinigami is."

Jūshirō nodded. "Thank you, sensei."

With that said, Ukitake left, deciding to get Izuru first before he went back to his Division to get ready. It would take too much time leaving Kiyone and Sentaro in charge of packing for him as nothing except for arguing would take place.

_I just hope he agrees to come... _Jūshirō thought as he made haste to the Third Division barracks. _I probably wouldn't if I were in his shoes..._

_**Several hours later~~**_

"So what's the plan?" Shunsui asked as he followed behind Jūshirō and Izuru. He yawned and tilted his sakkat, shielding his eyes from the bright sun.

Izuru was walking beside Ukitake, calm and collected. Nothing had been mentioned about what they had woken up to that morning, making him hope that Jūshirō didn't remember it for one reason or another – maybe the Captain had been drunk, too?

"I think we should look around the town first and then find somewhere to rest for the night," Jūshirō said. "We've been here for quite a while and have not found anything unusual yet."

Ise Nanao, Kyōraku Shunsui's Lieutenant, nodded. "Good plan. Should we split up?"

Shunsui looked worriedly at his friend. "Are you up to it, old friend?"

"I feel great today," Jūshirō said. "And I have Kira-fukutaicho with me; I trust in his medical skills if something goes wrong."

Shunsui smiled at the blond before he nodded. He clapped his best friend on the shoulder before he spoke seriously. "I know you have problems with your gigai, so if anything goes wrong, trust that I'll be there as soon as I can."

"I know." Jūshirō moved closer and hugged his oldest friend. "See you soon."

Shunsui nodded and returned the embrace before he left with Nanao at his side. Jūshirō turned to Izuru and smiled brightly. "Let's go, Kira-kun."

Izuru followed silently, pondering about the relationship between Ukitake and Kyōraku. He knew that they had been best friends since their Academy days, but there had been rumours of them being more than just friends. He could see why there were such rumours; the two were far too affectionate with each other than should be considered normal between two men.

"Ukitake-taicho?" Izuru looked up at his superior, his blue eyes wide. Jūshirō smiled down at him. "Ukitake-taicho, what did Kyōraku-taicho mean about your gigai? Will you be okay?"

"Oh." Jūshirō patted the blond's hair. "No need for concern, Kira-kun; my gigai just doesn't agree with my illness at times. I should be fine."

"Okay." Izuru stared down at the ground as they walked through the crowded streets, trying to find anything Hollow-related.

They were relatively quiet, Izuru not knowing why he even bothered to come on this mission. He remembered that he had been anxious when Ukitake had shown up at the office, thinking that he was here to discuss the previous night. However, when he found that wasn't the case, he had hesitantly agreed.

"Oh, Kira-kun?"

Izuru looked up at the older Shinigami. He offered a small smile.

"Kira-kun, now that we are alone, please call me Jūshirō." Jūshirō smiled again. "It makes me feel like I'm not just a Captain to others."

"...Okay..." Izuru nodded at the thank you he received, his thoughts going back to his relationship with his own Captain. He remembered all the times they had shared together, the good and the bad, and he just couldn't avoid pondering why he had been left behind.

"Are you okay, Kira-kun?" Jūshirō asked, noticing the depressed expression on the younger's face.

Izuru nodded. "...Ukitake-san...?"

"Yes?" Jūshirō wasn't swayed by his title and instead continued offering his support.

"...Have you..." Kira bit his lip, not sure why he was asking this. "...Have you ever... been in love...?"

A pained expression crossed Jūshirō's face but his smile remained. He nodded. "I have."

"...What... What happened between you two...? I-I apologise if I am overstepping my boundaries, but –"

Jūshirō cut him off. "It's quite okay, Kira-kun. I know you just want someone to understand how you feel. I'm sorry to say that my heart wasn't broken quite the same way as yours was. You see... He was my fukutaicho... And he died because I couldn't save him..."

"Shiba-san?" Izuru asked. He had never met the Thirteenth Lieutenant when he was still alive, but he had heard about him. "...What happened...?"

"Kaien..." Jūshirō stopped walking, a thoughtful look on his face. "...He went after a hollow... But the thing is, Rukia-chan and I were there, but... I stopped Rukia from interfering, explaining how it was a battle for pride for Kaien. The hollow... It got him; it took over him, and went after Rukia... I had an attack... I think to myself every day... If that illness hadn't slowed me down, I may have gotten there in time... But Kaien went down by my blade... If I didn't, Rukia-chan may not be here today..."

"I'm sorry," Izuru said sincerely. "I can't imagine what that must have been like..."

Jūshirō offered a small smile. "It was so hard at first, having lost my lover in such a way... It's why my Division still doesn't have a Lieutenant. But Shunsui was there to help me through it."

"...If I may ask... Are the rumours about you and Kyōraku-taicho true?"

Jūshirō laughed softly. "You can say that. We had a physical relationship in our Academy days, though we had never really labelled ourselves as boyfriends. Shun was always after girls, and I was always studying, never having much time for anyone, really. It was kind of an unspoken agreement that Shun could make love to me whenever he thought I needed physical attention. It continued on for years, but we were never exclusive. I was there when Shun needed to make love to someone, and I remained distant in that way from everyone but him. But when I met Kaien, Shun and I stopped. ...After his death... we made love every day to stop my pain. It doesn't happen much these days, but every now and then we'll make love."

"I can tell you both have a very strong bond." Izuru smiled. "I'm glad you have someone like him there for you."

"Thank you, Kira-kun." Jūshirō smiled back. "I am glad we had this conversation; I feel as if it has done me good."

"I'm happy to hear that." Izuru felt better himself. He didn't know why, but having spoken to the Captain about such matters seemed to have taken so much strain off him. "We should continue on, taicho."

"You're right. Let's go."

The two Shinigami continued on their way, searching around the town for any signs of Hollows. They were content in the other's presence, just happy to be together.

_I never took Ukitake-taicho to like men, _Izuru thought to himself. _But then again, I had never really known him to show interest in anyone. And I thought Kyōraku-taicho was as straight as a line. They must love each other very much to step out of their comfort zones like that. _

_But for Ukitake-taicho to tell me such things, he must trust me... Does that mean... that person Ukitake-taicho said was waiting for me... Was he talking about _himself...? _If he was, why does it feel so _right...?


	5. Chapter 5

The scouting mission had been unsuccessful for both parties, and time soon found them standing together on the corner of one of the main streets. It was night and there weren't many people around.

"Did you find anything?" Shunsui asked, clutching a bottle of sake he had purchased after managing to slip away from Nanao long enough to buy it – among many other bottles he had downed in his time running away from his Lieutenant. "We didn't."

Jūshirō shook his head. "Nothing. But we can't stay here; Kira-fukutaicho is exhausted. We need somewhere we can rest."

"What about the Substitute Soul Reaper?" Nanao offered. "Do any of you know where he lives?"

Jūshirō put a gentle hand on their subordinate's shoulder. "I believe Kira-fukutaicho does."

Izuru yawned and wiped at his eyes. He nodded. "I've been there before... It's not too far from here..."

Jūshirō frowned in concern when the Lieutenant's body suddenly slumped against his. He rested his hand on blond hair before he spoke in a worried tone. "Are you okay?"

When Kira just nodded, Ukitake knew he was being lied to. The stress the smaller male was going through must have been phenomenal and the inadequate rest seemed to be catching up to him. Without a word, the Captain scooped the younger up into his arms, holding him close.

Izuru couldn't resist; he was just too tired. Instead, he closed his eyes and mumbled directions to the Substitute Shinigami's home before he fell fast asleep. Jūshirō held him close, not wanting to let him go.

Shunsui gave his best friend a knowing look as he saw this, his face red from having drunk too much alcohol; his gigai couldn't hold a quarter of the liquor Shunsui was used to. "It's _him _you were telling me about."

Jūshirō nodded, a small blush coating his cheeks. Nanao looked between the two Captains in confusion. "What are you talking about?"

"Nothing, Nanao-chan~" Shunsui sung happily as he turned to move in the direction Izuru had pointed them in, swinging his sake bottle as he went. "Lovely, lovely Nanao-chan~!"

Ukitake nodded to Nanao as he followed his friend, knowing that Shunsui was probably drunk already and it was best to not let him out of their sight lest he get into drunken mischief.

_**Time skip~~**_

When at last the Shinigami had found their comrade's home, Jūshirō was wondering why they were standing at the side of the house, looking up at the window on the top floor. He tilted his head, watching as Shunsui jumped up and onto the ledge while Nanao berated him from the ground. He sighed and shook his head when he heard the resonating sound of a window being pushed open with such force it sounded like thunder.

As expected, the substitute's annoyed voice started yelling from inside the building, followed by Shunsui's intoxicated attempts at making himself seem pitiful.

Jūshirō shook his head and looked at Nanao, clutching the sleeping Kira in his arms tighter. "Let's go get him before he wakes the entire neighbourhood up."

Within seconds, Jūshirō and Nanao had joined the other Captain in the bedroom, calmly assessing the situation. Shunsui was sitting on a bed, bouncing up and down happily as he laughed whilst the orange haired Shinigami yelled at him for interrupting his study time.

"Please calm down, Ichigo-kun," Jūshirō sat as he moved further into the room, startling the younger more. "He is drunk. I apologise for him intruding upon your personal life."

Ichigo turned frustrated eyes to the pale Captain. He huffed before he spoke. "I have a test tomorrow, and I'm nowhere near prepared for it!"

"Yare yare, Ichigo-kun," Shunsui called in a lazy tone as he lay down on the bed, snuggling in close to the pillow. He attempted to pull Nanao onto it with him but she retaliated with a hit to the head with her book as per usual. "You wouldn't turn away this old man, would you? Look at his startlingly handsome face and reconsider, would you?"

Ichigo sighed. "Alright. What are you all doing here? Why are you holding Izuru, Ukitake-san?"

Ukitake moved to sit on the bed beside his friend, ignoring the way the brunet pulled at his shirt to make him lay down with him. "Kira-fukutaicho is exhausted and collapsed. But to answer your other question, we are here on a mission to investigate a sudden increase in Hollow activity. We were looking for a place to stay for the night."

"I'm busy." Ichigo wasted no time sugar-coating his words as he moved back to sit at his desk. "You'll have to find somewhere else."

"There isn't anywhere else for us, Ichigo-kun," Jūshirō said softly. "Neither Shunsui nor Nanao-chan nor even myself have been here in many years, and though Izuru comes on missions every now and then, none of us know anyone else we could ask."

"Why not Orihime, or Chad or something?" Ichigo asked, turning back to face them. "Really. I'm busy with this test."

Jūshirō sighed. "I am so sorry to be a bother and I really do feel horrible, but I must insist; our Lieutenant has collapsed from stress-induced exhaustion and the other Captain is too drunk to take out in public."

"Fine." Ichigo spun back around to face his papers. He pointed to the bed. "There's a spare futon under the bed. Nanao-san can have the closet where Rukia sleeps. You three will need to share the futon. It's all I've got and my family is home."

"Thank you very much, Ichigo-kun." Jūshirō smiled. He laid his crush down on the bed and then reached under it, pulling the futon out. He unrolled it and moved to place Izuru down on it instead.

When Nanao opened the closet, she mentally prepared herself for her Captain's rambunctiousness. As expected, Shunsui made his move.

Jumping off the bed, Shunsui hurdled over the two Shinigami crouched on the floor and ran to Nanao. "Nanao-chan~! Let me share the closet with you~!"

Nanao just raised her book in a threatening manner, effectively warding the sexual deviant known as Shunsui away. Without a word, she climbed into the closet and closed the door, ignoring the beaten puppy look Shunsui directed at her.

Ichigo tried to ignore the Soul Reapers behind him, but it was a hard thing to do when Shunsui was talking very loudly – or yelling, for a better term – about his latest rejection by Nanao to a politely-listening Jūshirō who soon offered him a pat on the shoulder. He was just about to turn around and tell them he had changed his mind and that they were to leave, but Jūshirō spoke to him before he could do such a thing.

"I am so sorry for the bother we are causing," Ukitake said sincerely. "I'm trying to get Shun into bed so that he doesn't disturb you any longer. I'm so sorry."

Ichigo nodded, his respect for the Captain only growing; as always, the ill Shinigami was considerate of everyone around him. He watched as Jūshirō pulled a small bag from his shoulders and placed it on the floor before he opened it and pulled clothing out.

"Would you like for us to change into our sleeping wear in another room, Ichigo-kun?" the white-haired male asked. "I would hate to make you feel uncomfortable in your own home."

Ichigo shook his head. "No; it's fine. I won't look."

Shunsui crossed his arms across his chest in a stubborn manner, refusing to take the pyjamas that were being held out for him. "I don't want them, Juu! I wanna sleep in the nude!"

Jūshirō sighed. "It is not your home, Shun. Please? Just for tonight?"

Shunsui shook his head, and it took a few minutes of strained patience and desperate attempts to keep Shunsui from stripping off in unacceptable fashion from Jūshirō before the brunet finally accepted the pyjamas and changed.

Jūshirō moved to the closet and knocked on the door once he had successfully stopped all drunken groping directed at him as he changed his clothing. "Nanao-san? Would you like your pyjamas?"

"No; I'm not changing with _him _in the room!" Nanao called, not opening the door. "He'll try and grope me again!"

"I see." Jūshirō moved back to Izuru and sat next to him, wondering if he should change the blond's clothing or not. He blushed at the thought of doing such an intimate thing before he decided against it; Izuru wasn't the most emotionally stable person he knew, and he didn't want to cause any problems between them.

"Juu-chan~"

Jūshirō sighed as Shunsui hugged him from behind, pulling the smaller male onto his lap. He didn't put an end to Kyōraku's intoxicated feeling of his body, but he did try to talk his best friend into sleeping.

"It's very late, Shun," Jūshirō said softly, pressed up against the strong chest he knew so well. "We should get some sleep."

"I don't want to sleep," Shunsui muttered, his hot breath against Jūshirō's ear. "I want you."

"You're drunk." Jūshirō pulled himself away from his friend and moved back to the futon. "I'll let you cuddle with me if you try and sleep, okay?"

Shunsui smiled and stumbled over to the futon, collapsing next to the younger two. He pulled Jūshirō in close, holding him against his warm body and murmuring to him softly. Jūshirō just kept his eyes on Izuru, wishing with all his being he could hold the blond the way he was being held himself. He was sure Izuru would feel safe with him, but it might upset Kira to wake up in someone's arms and realise that they weren't his traitorous lover.

"Love you, Juu-chan~" Shunsui sung before he closed his eyes, falling asleep instantly.

"I love you, too, Shun..." Jūshirō mumbled, knowing that said male wasn't going to hear him anyway. He reached out and brushed a strand of blond hair from Izuru's face before he whispered to Izuru. "I love you, too... Izuru..."

Ichigo had tried to ignore all of this happening behind him, but it was hard to ignore the fact that he had just found out that Jūshirō was most likely gay, and Shunsui – if it weren't just from the alcohol – was bi. He bit his lip, unsure of what to make of this. He wasn't homophobic in the least; it was just strange to find the two people he had such deep respect for liked their own gender.

Ichigo sighed and moved from the desk. He switched the light off before he changed into his own pyjamas and stepped over the futon into his own bed. He glanced down at the ground, finding Jūshirō looked up at him. He smiled.

"Night, Ukitake-san," Ichigo said softly.

"Good night, Ichigo-kun." Jūshirō beamed up at him. "I apologise for everything that has happened tonight, and I hope you sleep well."

"Don't apologise." Ichigo left it at that and rolled onto his side, facing the roll. He fell asleep not long later, leaving Jūshirō the only one awake.

Jūshirō moved his gaze back to Izuru, smiling at the peaceful expression on the young face. He carefully pulled himself from Shunsui's grip and moved closer, pulling the smaller male into his arms. Just for a little while, he thought.

It felt so amazing to have Izuru in his hold; he never wanted to let go. He buried his face into the blond hair before he let go after a few minutes, not wanting to wake him up. He didn't return to Shunsui's arms, either; he just lay in between them, trying so hard to resist the urge to fall asleep cuddling against Kira.

When he did fall asleep, Jūshirō's dreams were all about the Lieutenant, a vast change from the nightmares about Kaien he had most nights.


	6. Chapter 6

The next morning, Izuru awoke to a violent coughing fit. His eyes opened slowly and took in the sight before him; Jushiro was in Shunsui's arms with his back to the younger, coughing into the brunet's chest. The large hand that belonged to Kyōraku was rubbing circles along the younger's night shirt, not bothering to open his eyes.

When the coughs ceased, Shunsui spoke, his voice thick with sleep. "Better...?"

Jushiro hummed in reply, snuggling in closer to his best friend. "I don't want to get up..."

"Same. Let's stay here longer."'

Ukitake mumbled something unintelligible, nodding slightly. Izuru closed his eyes again, listening to them talk.

"What were you dreaming about?" Shunsui asked with a sigh.

"Hm? Why do you ask?"

"Because you're hard and you're _poking _me. It's making _me_ hard, Juu-chan."

"...O-oh..." When Jushiro spoke next, it made Kira wonder if they even remembered where they were. "What do you think?"

"Kira-fukutaicho?"

Izuru bit his lip at these words. Was Shunsui... talking to him or inferring that it had been he Jushiro had been dreaming about...?

"Mmm..." Jushiro nodded.

Izuru tried to block out the rest of their conversation, but when a gasp came from Jushiro, he couldn't help but open his eyes. He glanced at his two elders, nearly horrified to find that they both had pulled their pants down low enough to expose themselves and were rubbing against each other.

When someone cleared their throat from above their position on the futon, the two Shinigami broke apart with red faces. Jushiro looked up at the bed, unable to make eye contact as he looked at Ichigo.

"I-ichigo-kun..." the white-haired male was blushing uncontrollably while Shunsui just grinned as if he were proud of what had happened. Jūshirō tried to cover himself with his hands but Shunsui just laid there, for all to see him. "...I apologise..."

Ichigo just rolled his eyes and glanced at Izuru. "How long are you going to play dead, Izuru? They may not have noticed your reiatsu spike, but I did."

Izuru frowned as he opened his eyes, causing deeper embarrassment for the frail man. "...I-ichigo..."

"How long were you awake?" Shunsui asked the blond, his grin only widening. "Did you hear when we were talking about Juu-chan's dream?"

Izuru bit his lip and nodded, looking away.

Shunsui just grinned and glanced over at his best friend. "There you go, Juu-chan. That wasn't so hard. He knows now."

Jushiro looked down at his lap, fisting his pyjama pants in frustration. "...But... This is not how I wanted him to find out..."

Shunsui frowned and put an arm around the younger. He could tell from his friend's reaction that he had upset him. "I'm sorry..."

Jushiro shook his head. He stood up and moved over to the closet, knocking on the door politely. "Nanao-san...? Can... Can I come in, please...?"

The other three watched as the closet door was slid open, a silent invitation for Nanao's superior to enter. The pale Shinigami disappeared into the closet, leaving the others to look around in confusion.

"Does anybody want to tell me what was going on?" Ichigo asked. "Why did Ukitake-taicho get upset?"

"I want to know, too..." Izuru bit his lip, wanting to know if his feelings were right. "I think this concerns me. Am I right, Kyōraku-taicho?"

Shunsui frowned regrettably as he nodded. "Yes... But... I think I've done enough by mentioning this... Perhaps you should talk to him yourself."

Izuru sighed and nodded. He wondered if Ukitake would talk to him about it or not, but he sincerely hoped that his feelings had been returned.

**-XX-**

Once Ichigo had informed his father that he had 'friends' over, they had gone down to have breakfast – everyone except for Jushiro, who didn't want to leave the closet.

"How is he?" Shunsui asked his Lieutenant, feeling absolutely horrible for what he had done.

"Not good." Nanao sighed, feeling sorry for her white-haired superior. "Why the hell would you talk like that?"

"So he told you?" Shunsui's frown deepened. "...I feel horrible..."

"You should!" Nanao snapped, raising her book. "You made your best friend cry!"

Shunsui ducked away, looking around at Ichigo and Izuru. His eyes pleaded for them to help him.

Without a word, Izuru stood up and returned back to Kurosaki's room. He knocked on the closet, not quite sure what he was doing but knowing he had to help Jushiro; the frail Shinigami had spent so much time trying to help _him; _there was _no way _he could ignore the older man when he needed help, too.

"Who is it?" Jushiro asked, his voice hoarse.

"...It's Kira-fukutaicho..." Izuru said softly. "...May I... talk to you...?"

There was silence for a few moments before the door opened and Ukitake resurfaced with a red, tear-stained face. "...You still want to talk to me...?"

"Of course." Izuru frowned. "Why wouldn't I?"

"..." Jushiro hiccupped as he shrugged. "You have all the reason in the world not to, you know...? What Shunsui said... I must disgust you, right...?"

"Ukitake-taicho..." Izuru frowned and reached out, attempting to put his hand on the older male's shoulder. "...Aren't you forgetting my relationship with my Captain...?"

Jūshirō rubbed at his eyes. He nodded. "...You're..."

Izuru blushed as he fidgeted. "...I-I... I have feelings like that for you, too... N-not as strong as Ichimaru-taicho, but..."

Without another word, Ukitake reached out and put his hands on the younger's shoulders. He pulled the blond in closer until their noses were touching, staring each other in the eyes.

Jūshirō was the first to press their lips together in a feather-light touch. He didn't ask for entry, knowing to take it slow. Izuru didn't press harder, but he didn't pull away, almost as if he were accepting of this but didn't want anything further.

When they broke apart, Jūshirō leant his head on Izuru's shoulder, smiling softly. "...Thank you..."

"...It's okay..." Izuru wrapped his arms around his Captain, holding him close. "Kyōraku-taicho feels really bad. Maybe you should tell him that everything's fine."

Ukitake nodded. "Good idea. Thank you, Izuru-kun."

Izuru startled at his new nickname but didn't comment on it. As they walked towards the door of Ichigo's bedroom, Jūshirō stopped Kira, a small, uncertain smile on his face.

"...Will you..." Jūshirō bit his lip as he tried to say the words he wanted to speak. "...Will you be... my boyfriend...?"

Izuru nodded. "...I... I can't let go of Ichimaru-taicho, but..."

"I understand." And Jūshirō was sincere as he kissed his new partner one more time before he grabbed the smaller hand and lead him downstairs. He was excited about his new relationship, having only ever been with Kaien seriously and Shunsui out of lust. He couldn't wait to tell his best friend.

**-XX-**

As expected, Shunsui had been very happy for Jūshirō. He understood that it meant they could no longer fool around which, admittedly, upset him a little – they didn't have romantic feelings for each other but to them, it made their bond feel stronger to have such trust and privileges.

The four Shinigami had already left Ichigo's home, trying to scout around for Hollows but, as if it had been the day before, there were none to be found.

"Something doesn't seem right about this," Nanao said as they sat down to discuss this strange phenomenon. "Why would there be an abundance of them, only to disappear when we show up?"

"It could be coincidence," Jūshirō pointed out. "Perhaps they –"

Before Jūshirō could finish talking, all four heads turned to the left as a powerful Hollow presence alerted them. Without further ado, they got up and hurried in the direction the Hollow seemed to be in, unaware of what they were getting themselves in.

The Hollow was not only powerful – it was _quick. _The other three Shinigami had been able to get out of the gigai in time, but Jūshirō instead fell into a coughing fit, dropping to his knees, unable to move in time when he was knocked away with such force, he destroyed several of the steel beams being used in a construction site just behind their location.

Izuru hurried over to his partner's side, leaving Shunsui and Nanao to handle things. He was unaware of his heart thumping violently against his ribcage in horror and the tears that would soon stream down his cheeks as he would roll Jūshirō's crumpled body over and see the way he had been mangled in just one blow. Blood was everywhere, Jūshirō wasn't breathing, and his body was broken.


	7. Chapter 7

Ichigo wasn't expecting his fellow Shinigami back until nightfall, so when Izuru threw the window open and fell onto the bed, covered in blood and crying hysterically, it was only natural he was greatly concerned.

"Izuru, what happened?" Ichigo abandoned his textbooks and moved to Izuru, putting his hands on the blond's shoulders. "Are you okay?"

Izuru shook his head, raising his hand to bite at his nails. "I-I...! U-ukitake-san...!"

"Izuru, tell me what happened." Ichigo knew something was seriously wrong if it involved the white-haired Captain; Ukitake was extremely powerful and with Shunsui there to back him up, they should have been unbeatable.

"U-ukitake-san..." Izuru choked on a few sobs before he tried to continue speaking, "...Ukitake-san... The Hollow got him... T-there was blood everywhere...! Kyōraku-taicho... Kyōraku-taicho doesn't know what to do, and... Ise-f-fukutaicho can't... get a hold of Fourth...! W-we can't even open a senkaimon! I tried! I swear, I tried my best...!"

Ichigo had heard enough to gather what had happened. "Where are they now, Izuru?"

"C... Construction site..."

Ichigo nodded. He searched for where he had dumped Kon the night before, finding him underneath the bed and shoving him in a backpack. He slung the bag over his shoulder and grabbed Izuru's hand, pulling him through the window and towards where he knew the other Soul Reapers to be.

_**Fifteen minutes later~~**_

When Ichigo and Izuru returned back to the construction site, Kurosaki was horrified to find that the steel structure had been ruined during the fight and now lay in a crumpled heap, unrepairable; only a fight of extreme power could have left such destruction in a place built to withstand damage.

Ichigo ran towards Shunsui's side, seeing him and the other two Shinigami back in their Gigai, sitting towards the back of what once was the building site. They were mostly hidden from the view of the street which was lucky, seeing as many people had crowded around, pointing and muttering while police tried to clear them away, saying it was too dangerous to be around.

"Kyōraku-taicho!" Ichigo called as he and Izuru came to his side. "Kyōraku-taicho, we need to leave before someone finds us here."

Shunsui turned to Ichigo with eyes that had clearly cried too much in a short time. He shook his head. "I-I can't move Juu-chan..."

"Ukitake-taicho has suffered a severe blow to the head and his body is broken," Nanao cleared up. "We... cannot wake him up..."

Izuru sobbed, knowing what the woman was about to say. He didn't want to hear that having been in a gigai, Jūshirō may have suffered a wound severe enough to... to put an end to his life...

"People are all over the place," Ichigo said, wanting nothing more than to stay here and try and help the Captain, but this was more important. "You can bring him back to my clinic; my family will help him; I promise. We just... We can't stay here."

Shunsui nodded, clutching his best friend tighter. He stood up and reluctantly followed Ichigo, ducking out of sight of civilians.

Once they arrived back at Kurosaki Clinic, Ichigo lead the brunet straight to a patient room. He helped Shunsui lay the pale man down on the bed and moved to get his dad.

Shunsui turned to Izuru, a fear in his eyes that the blond knew had no place being there. "You've got to help him, Kira-fukutaicho... You were in the Fourth once... Please..."

The tears that Izuru had managed to abate started up again as he shook his head. "...I... can't... It's too severe... I've tried... I don't have that level of skill..."

"Kira-fukutaicho, you _need _to try!" Nanao all but begged. She waved her denreishinki in the air as if to emphasise her point. "I've tried on _all _of them, but I just can't get through to anyone!"

Izuru cried harder, wanting so badly to help but just feeling as if there would be nothing he could do. Low self-esteem was nothing new with him but right now, neither Shunsui nor Nanao had the patience to deal with it.

Nanao raised her book and whacked the blond over the head. "Kira-fukutaicho, you are a Lieutenant of the Gotei Thirteen! If your skills as a Shinigami were not valued, you would not be in the position you are in now! You've been in _three _different squads but most importantly, the _medical _division! Try again!"

Izuru shook his head and slid down the wall, dropping to the floor. He pulled his knees up to his chest and buried his face in them, rocking back and forth slowly.

Ichigo chose this moment to return with his dad who promptly ushered everyone out of the room. Though it took several demands from Isshin and encouragement from Nanao, Shunsui eventually left, though he'd have given anything to stay in that room with his best friend. This was worse than any of the attacks he had sat with Jūshirō through and the very real threat of losing him forever was hanging over all of their heads.

Izuru sat with Ichigo, crying into his hands while Nanao comforted her Captain as best as she could. No one knew what was going to happen, and they could only hope that Jūshirō would be okay.

_**Several hours later~~**_

When Isshin returned from Jūshirō's room the next morning, he wore a grim expression. He was silent for a few seconds as he thought of how to approach this subject, but decided that the truth was the way to go.

"I've done the best I can," Isshin said, his voice soft as he addressed everyone waiting on the white-haired male. "His head injury is severe and he still has not woken. There's no telling when – or _if _– he will wake up, but... if he _does, _I suspect some serious mental damage. His body has been destroyed and the very real possibility that he may never be able to move his body again is high. Please, be prepared for the worst."

Izuru and Shunsui were silent as they processed this information, Nanao knowing not to say anything despite the fact she felt like crying.

"You may sit with him if you'd like," Isshin offered. "It may bring him comfort if he wakes up with familiar people around him – _if _he wakes up."

Shunsui didn't speak as he stood up and moved to his best friend's side. Izuru was hesitant, not wanting to see his boyfriend in such a state and instead insisted he wanted to return back to the Soul Society.

"He needs you, Izuru," Ichigo tried to encourage. "You can't just leave him like this. How would you feel if the positions were reversed?"

"He's stronger than I am!" Izuru tried to justify. "I-I... I'm so _weak...!"_

"No, you're not!" Nanao exclaimed, coming to her friend's side. "You're not weak! You've been through _hell _and back, Kira-fukutaicho. At least come and say goodbye to him..."

With a shake of his head, Izuru fled, leaving Ichigo and Nanao behind. The two looked at each other, but neither of them chased after him. They knew Izuru needed to be alone.

"He should have gone to a hospital..." Nanao whispered, knowing that a hospital would have been better than just a normal clinic.

"Yeah, but think about everything a hospital would put us _all _through..." Ichigo muttered, knowing the questions that would have arisen and the way they'd have found _nothing _out on Ukitake's condition. He knew his father had done the best he could, but it was a miracle in itself that Isshin had been able to help at all with the extent of the damage – Jūshirō's body had been so managed, _bones _poked through his skin and muscle was visible through huge tears.

Yes; it would take a long time for Jūshirō to recover from this – if he could recover at _all._


	8. Chapter 8

A week had passed by since Jūshirō's accident, and still no one had heard from Soul Society, nor could they get into contact with anyone there. Izuru had been found two days after he ran off, wandering around the streets by his lonesome, and was soon dragged back to his boyfriend's side.

As expected, Shunsui was still sitting by his best friend's side after all this time, exhausted and ready to slip into oblivion any second, but his concern for the younger male was too great to allow that to happen. Nanao was standing, leaning against the wall as she spoke softly to her Captain.

Izuru was listening to their conversation but didn't take much in at all. His eyes were fixed on the deathly pale Shinigami who was lying still in the bed, unable to believe that this had happened to them. The worst thing was that no one from Soul Society had even bothered to come looking for them.

Jūshirō's face was sweaty, his face twisted into what seemed like a pained frown. His body was still but his chest rose and fell in a rather harsh manner to accommodate the breaths he was trying to suck in.

Izuru wanted nothing more than to leave this horrid sight, but he knew he couldn't; he couldn't return back to the Soul Society as whatever was preventing them from opening a senkaimon was still happening, and even if he wandered around the human world for a while, it would only make him feel more stressed being in an unfamiliar place surrounded by strangers.

Izuru stood up and moved to the window, looking at the outside world. Shunsui and Nanao had stopped talking and were watching the blond, a sad look in their eyes. They knew how hard Kira had been taking this.

"Kira-fukutaicho...?" Nanao called, moving over to the blond's side. She put a hand on the younger's shoulder, squeezing gently. "Kira-fukutaicho, are you okay?"

Izuru was silent for a few seconds before he spoke, his voice weak and exhausted. "...This feels just like with Ichimaru-taicho..."

The Eighth Captain and his lieutenant looked at each other in understanding. Kyōraku stood up and moved to the young male before he engulfed him in a tight hug.

"I know how you feel..." the brunet whispered, tightening his hold. "...I mean; I didn't lose anyone like you lost... _him, _but... seeing my best friend like this... It hurts..."

Izuru turned around and returned the embrace, burying his face against the strong chest. "...I didn't... think... that I would trust anyone again... But he tried so hard... and now..."

Nanao watched as her Captain held the young male tightly, not knowing what she could do to help. There wasn't anything that could be done until their disappearance went noticed or some miracle happened upon them – and the former seemed more impossible, seeing as they were supposed to be here for a few months.

_So much for being near-infallible_, Nanao thought. _Ukitake-taicho was never infallible from the very beginning. Look at him now..._

_**Two weeks later~~**_

While Izuru had been spending a lot of time with Ichigo, being unable to handle sitting in that room for too long, Shunsui and Nanao had hardly left Jushiro's side, no matter what.

Izuru was currently sitting on Ichigo's bed, listening to the scribbling of the pen as the orange-haired male scratched numbers onto paper, doing his math homework. He was silent, his mind focused on Ukitake. During the past two weeks, Jushiro had made no improvement on his condition, leaving them all with the fear that he just wasn't going to make it.

However, just when Izuru was so lost in thought, he soon startled back to reality when the door was slammed open, resounding loudly against the wall. Both he and Ichigo jumped and looked towards the source of the sound, confused to see Nanao running towards them with a panicked look on her face.

"You need to come with me!" Nanao's voice had an urgent tone to it, and both Izuru and Ichigo knew that something was wrong with Ukitake. "Hurry!"

The three made their way back to Jushiro's room, just in time to see the way the white-haired Shinigami convulsed in a seizure-like manner, his eyes wide and his mouth opened in a silent scream. Isshin was by his side, pricking his arm with a syringe. It took several minutes but eventually, Jushiro had stopped thrashing, laying still in the bed while his eyes remained half-lidded, looking at the crowd gathered around his bed.

Ukitake tried to talk, but blood dribbled down his chin, causing only a gurgling sound to reverberate from his throat. Isshin immediately dropped a tube down the Shinigami's throat, vacuuming up the fluids that were choking him.

Jushiro choked on the tube, sputtering as his head tossed from side to side.

"Hold him still!" Isshin called as he tried to keep the tube from blocking Jushiro's airway.

Shunsui reached out, putting his hands on his best friend's cheek, whispering to him as he tried to hold the younger male in place.

Jushiro choked and gasped, his eyes watering. The fact that his body wasn't moving was worrying; had more damage been done then they had realised...?

When Isshin removed the tube and wiped at his brow, he sighed. "That's that out of the way."

Jushiro made a small, incomprehensible noise as if he were trying to talk but couldn't form the words. Shunsui sat on the bed beside him, holding the quivering hand tightly as he stroked white locks of hair out of green eyes.

"He's clearly awake now," Isshin said, turning to the others in the room. "That's a good sign; he may pull through. But his body is clearly taking longer to heal and there is internal damage. I'm going to need someone to keep an eye on him at all times until I can heal the damage."

Shunsui squeezed the pale hand. "I'll look after him."

"M-me, too..." Izuru stuttered, his baby blue eyes wide as he watched the now-panting Captain. "...I'll... I'll help..."

Jushiro's eyes wandered the room before they fixed on Izuru, pain the only prominent thing in them. They slipped closed after a few seconds, causing more worry between the group, before Isshin spoke again.

"He's sleeping, which is a good sign," Isshin explained. "The more sleep he gets, the faster he will heal. Healing processes occur during sleep, so don't try and wake him unless you have to."

Shunsui nodded, looking down at his best friend. Izuru moved closer, feeling as if there _was _hope now that Jushiro had awoken. Nanao and Ichigo were talking softly about the situation, and Isshin left a few minutes later after checking Ukitake's vitals.

_Perhaps... _Izuru smiled softly as he thought to himself. _...Maybe this won't be like Ichimaru-taicho after all..._


	9. Chapter 9

**This chapter is rather short because I want to throw in the lemon and epilogue in the next chapter, and unless it was unplanned due to already uploading the previous chapter in a story, I HATE doing large time skips in the one chapter. **

Jūshirō's eyes opened for the second time since his incident a few days later. The green orbs looked around at the people sitting in his room, his vision very unfocused.

"Juu-chan..."

Jūshirō groaned softly as he heard his name seconds before a hand gripped his own. He blinked a few times, trying to recognise the blurry hulking figure that was standing by his bed. His mouth opened and closed a few times as if he were trying to speak, but no sound came out.

"Kira-fukutaicho, he's awake."

Jūshirō recognised the voice as Shunsui's, and that brought him comfort; if Shunsui was here with him, he'd be okay.

"Jūshirō..." Izuru was quiet as he spoke. He sat down on the bed beside the Captain and reached out, brushing hair out of the man's face. "Jūshirō, are you feeling okay?"

Jūshirō winced and cried out as his best friend's hand brushed by his hip, his back arching in pain. Izuru carefully laid him back down, trying to soothe him before he reached into his pocket, ready to change back into his Shinigami form in order to heal the wound as best as he could.

"Just relax," Shunsui said as he squeezed the frail hand in his. Nanao had come to his side, watching this with sad eyes.

Izuru had already left his gigai and was sending powerful bouts of healing reiatsu into his boyfriend's hip, hoping that he would still be able to do _something _for Jūshirō.

Ukitake moaned and moved his head from side to side, biting through his lip as the pain surged through him; his body had been shattered from the fight, so what Izuru was healing now only impacted on the rest of his body with his hip bones trying to reconstruct, knocking other broken bones around.

"I'm sorry if I'm hurting you, Jūshirō..." Izuru said softly, his experience as a medic telling him that of course this would be extremely painful for him. "Just think of how much better you'll be in the long run..."

"He's right, Juu," Shunsui agreed. Nanao nodded, moving to grasp Ukitake's other hand in hers. "You need to be strong; I know you can do it."

Jūshirō only continued to cry out, tears leaking down his cheeks. He mouth opened and closed soundlessly as if he wanted to protest against this.

"Try and get back through to Soul Society," Shunsui instructed his Lieutenant. "Whatever went wrong between the two worlds should surely have been fixed by now."

"Yes, sir." Nanao fulfilled her order, only to find that it was still useless; she just couldn't contact _anyone _from the Seireitei.

Izuru lowered the strength he was using in order to put Jūshirō's hip back into place, his emotions getting in the way of his job. He hated seeing the renowned Captain like this.

Minutes later, once Izuru was certain he had at least fixed the hip, he returned back to his gigai form and sat next to Jūshirō again, stroking the pale cheeks. He sighed, knowing that Isshin had told them about the likelihood of extreme mental damage, hoping with all his being that it wouldn't come to that.

Jūshirō moved his head so that it rested against the blond's thigh, almost as if he wanted to rest his head in Izuru's lap but was unable to do so, finding it too difficult to close the necessary distance between them.

Izuru smiled softly as he reached out and helped the Captain position himself so that his lap was filled by white hair. He ran his hand through the locks, hoping that it would bring comfort to the injured male.

"Thank you for being here with him," Shunsui said, leaning over to lean against Nanao. "I know he'd appreciate it so much – especially with how he feels for you."

Kira smiled weakly at the brunet. "...I... I-I know he'd... do the same if it were me..."

"He would," Nanao agreed, for once allowing her Captain to be so close to her; she knew that this situation could no longer be considered as strictly professional; Jūshirō's life and wellbeing was on the line, and Shunsui would be devastated if something happened. "He doesn't get many visitors when he's ill, so this would mean the world to him."

Izuru looked down at Jūshirō's face, seeing the way a bright smile greeted him. He couldn't help but lean down and place a gentle kiss on the pale lips, overjoyed when they parted seconds later in order to make room for him.

When they broke apart, Izuru whispered into the older male's ear, "I'm going to take care of you now..."

Jūshirō's smile widened before he started coughing a few seconds later, blood dribbling down his chin. Shunsui immediately rolled Ukitake onto his side and rubbed the younger's back, knowing that this wasn't as severe an attack as it could be in this condition.

"It's okay," Shunsui soothed, knowing that Jūshirō could handle this; the white-haired male just needed to be on his side so that the blood drained easier. "You're strong, Juu. You can handle this."

The coughing stopped a few minutes later, but Jūshirō quickly fell into a deep sleep, still resting on Izuru's lap. The blond ran his hand absentmindedly through the white hair, lost deep in thought.

It was safe to say, this was _definitely _not like it had been with his previous Captain.


	10. Chapter 10

Weeks had passed by since Jūshirō had awoken for the second time, and he was currently lying in his bed at Ugendo, the issue preventing them from receiving help from Soul Society now resolved. Izuru sat by his side, wiping at the male's forehead with a damp cloth.

Jūshirō was no longer a Captain, the injuries he had received making his body useless. As depressed as he was about this, he knew he couldn't argue; he couldn't even get out of bed without help, so it was for the best.

"I think Kyoraku-taicho and Ise-fukutaicho are coming over to see you later today." Izuru smiled as he spoke to his boyfriend, not bothered at all with having to care for him. It made him feel like he was good for something, having suffered a severe lack of self-worth after Ichimaru's betrayal.

Jūshirō smiled back, moving to rest his head in Kira's lap. "I will be glad to see them."

Izuru's hand stroked pale hair in a slow rhythm as he took in Jūshirō's features. The older male's body had lost more weight, but he looked so delicious splayed out on the bed, his white hair running down his back.

"Can I..." Izuru blushed scarlet as his hand stilled. Jūshirō looked up at him with curious eyes, silently asking him to continue talking. "Can I... make love to you...?"

Jūshirō smiled and nodded, rolling onto his back in silent invitation. "My body is yours, Izuru-kun."

Izuru blushed darker as he climbed on top of Jūshirō, resting above the older male's stomach. He leant down and joined their lips together, kissing his superior with all the strength he could muster.

Jyuushiro moaned as he felt a shy heat in his groin. It would be the first time he would have sex with Izuru, but he was excited about it. It had been a long time since he last made love with someone.

"Izuru-kun..." Jyuushiro's happy expression didn't falter in the least when Kira pulled his face away from his own, knowing that something better was coming. "Izuru-kun, I love you."

"I love you, too, Jyuushiro," Izuru whispered back, placing a gentle kiss on his soon-to-be lover's nose. "I want to make you feel good."

Jyuushiro didn't complain, and he shifted the best he could so that Izuru could slide his pale blue sleeping yukata down his body without effort. He closed his eyes and moaned softly when wet lips encircled around his left nipple, moaning loudly. He had always been vocal during love making sessions, and Izuru proved to be rather experienced in this area himself.

"I-izuru-kun...!" Jyuushiro bit his lip, groaning again as a warm tongue trailed down the middle of his chest and down his navel. He threw his head to the side when a hot mouth engulfed his erection, the pleasure intensifying through his weak body.

Izuru smiled, glad to know that his skills weren't rusty. He couldn't help but remember how Ichimaru reacted as he performed upon him, but he quickly shook those thoughts from his mind and focused on the here and now. He swallowed the entire thing, the tip hitting the back of his throat.

"I-izuru-kun...!" Jyuushiro groaned, finding the strength in him to raise his hips ever so slightly, rocking them back and forth as best as he could.

Izuru worked with the ever-so-shallow bucks, compensating for the strength Jyuushiro didn't have with bobbing his own head along the thick member. When he pulled away, he climbed back up the length of Jyuushiro's body, pulling the taller male into a passionate kiss. During this, the blond slipped his own clothing off, breaking briefly to take his kosode from his body before pressing their lips back together.

When they pulled away, they stared into each other's eyes, the love prominent in both of their orbs. Izuru silently reached over onto the bedside table, never breaking eye contact, grabbing the bottle of lube sitting on top.

Jyuushiro's eyes followed Izuru's hands and he watched as the blond splashed the oily substance onto slim fingers. He felt his arousal hardening as those same fingers probed at his entrance, rubbing teasingly against the hole.

"Please..." Jyuushiro sighed in pleasure as his thighs started to quiver. "...Please, don't t-tease me..."

Izuru laughed as he nodded. He reached out and took hold of the throbbing shaft as he slipped the first finger inside of his lover. He searched around for the spot that had always made him cry in pleasure, and it didn't take him long to find it. He smiled as Jyuushiro gasped, his cries renewed as he begged for more.

The blond slipped in the second finger, scissoring against the searing hot walls. The third finger soon joined them, rubbing against that special spot.

"I-izuru-kun!" Jyuushiro wailed, his body squirming weakly. His toes curled as he felt the pleasure crash over him like a tsunami.

Izuru reached out and rubbed the pale cheek with his finger, his baby blue eyes sending a gentle message to his partner. "I'm putting it in now, Jyuushiro. Hold on."

A string of saliva dripped down Jyuushiro's chin at these words, excited beyond belief at what was coming. He felt the fingers pull out of him and he couldn't help but whine in disappointment, but when a new heat pressed against his entrance, he shivered.

"Izuru-kun..." Jyuushiro moaned as he felt himself being stretched. It wasn't an unbearable pain, having grown used to it over the years. Instead, it was a tender pain that signified trust and love between he and his partner. He cried out when he felt Izuru's hand wrap back around him, it having left in order to guide the shaft inside of him.

Izuru smiled as he pushed all the way inside of Ukitake. He waited patiently for Jyuushiro to get used to the penetration but, once Jyuushiro wriggled against him, he started moving. He started moving, slowly at first, knowing that he was hurting his lover. He sought out the spot that had made Jyuushiro feel so good before, pressing back against it with as much force as he could muster. He pumped the engorged member in time with his thrusts, knowing that he was driving Jyuushiro crazy with pleasure.

The blond had the white-haired male squirming, mewing in unbearable pleasure. His body, despite being broken, quivered and spasmed, his chest rising and falling rapidly as he panted in desperation, almost unable to breath due to the ministrations enacted upon him.

When at last Jyuushiro couldn't last any longer, white spurts of his ejaculation sprayed from the tip of his member, dirtying his chest and coming to rest upon Izuru's stomach.

Jyuushiro's walls tightened around Kira's own shaft, bringing him to his own climax. He emptied himself inside of Jyuushiro with a small cry, having never been on top before but finding that it was desirable.

Ukitake moaned and panted, his body still shaking from the height of his orgasm. He smiled as his lover collapsed on top of his sweaty body, raising his right arm to wrap around the thin body. It was a difficult task, raising his hand in order to do so, but his love for Izuru got him through it.

The two were silent for a few minutes before Jyuushiro spoke, his voice exhausted as he was on the edge of oblivion. "...I love you, Izuru-kun..."

"I love you, too, Jyuushiro..." Izuru's eyes were closed, almost asleep himself.

"...Stay with me forever...?"

Izuru nodded, his left hand seeking out Jyuushiro's. He held the larger hand, squeezing tightly, as they both drifted into nothingness. "...Of course... Forever..."

And with that said, the two slept, each dreaming of the other.


End file.
